Non-Jews are for practice
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And then he peed in my hair
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