a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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