i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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