i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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