I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You ruined the universe
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