for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
