I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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