So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
