Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
