He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
