lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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