I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
