Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Randomize
