Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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