Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
