What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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