Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
