I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
