the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
