i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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