If i come over, it means nothing
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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