last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
