If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
