you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
