I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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