Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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