Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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