Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
