lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
