I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
