I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
