apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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