I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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