I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
