I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
