She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
