Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
