just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
