The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
