The maid of honor just puked.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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