it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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