Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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