u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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