I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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