it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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