i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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