My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
