so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
