I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
