Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
