forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
