please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
