she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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