need another drink. this is the easiest way
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
