Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
