when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
