If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
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So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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