I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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