How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
