barbara walters just said penis...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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