the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
