so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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