i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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